Mini's School for New Roleplayers!

Hey guys :D A lot of you are new rpers, so I've noticed. You might have heard, but I've been rping for about a year now, and I'm at the advanced level :3 Therefor I've decided I'm making a bit of a school.

If you want to learn more about how to make your sentences less choppy, better worded and, longer. Then come to this thread and I'll tutor you in rping ;3

Don't worry if you think you aren't good, I was super awful when I first started rping.

This post is from one of my FIRST threads on my other site;

Clickpaw yawned, stretching is limbs out on every side. He muttered something about "Noise" "Badgers" "Purple berries" and stood up, his fur sticking straight up on his head. He prodded Ashpaw {Aragorn's] "wake up." He grumbled.

Awful -.- I am so ashamed of how I posted back then.

Now here are some posts I made today in one of my threads;

Rebel had a task, something he wanted to do very badly. Make his own claws. Odd? Yes. Rewarding? Yes. It started with him overhearing a bunch of cats, talking about attaching body parts to cats. Listening to that made him want to do so. But that was impossible, so why not just make attachments? He had heard about fitting bigger claws over your own, so he decided to make a pair for battle.

It was a major pain.

First, he had to find the claws. He decided to go with cougar claws, after getting one paw of claws from a cougar he brought down on the edge of the territory. It took him a while to find the other paw set, finally finding a cougar carcass not too far from Bloodclan's desert.

Next came fitting them. He worked away, grinding and chipping at the inside slowly. The first claw was made very awkwardly, since it was his first. He had tried everything, slamming it against a rock, grasping it and using a tool between his teeth. His method; finding a sharp point on the edge of a large rock and bracing the claw against it with his paws, then scraping it back and forth until it chaffed a tight indent. Soon after that, he had finished the first paw and most of the second.

One more claw to go. Back, forth, back, forth. His nose wrinkled at the scent and his eyes watered at the dust-like substance that wafted into the air. Done? Not yet. He began again, rubbing it back and forth against the sharp point; until he liked the slot.

Yes! He had finished them. They slipped easily onto his claws, snug and comfortable...Until he walked. It was a bit awkward to walk in them, since they stretched his paws up a bit. He would learn to wear them and use them, and they would become a daily thing to wear for the ebony tom.

Rebel plopped down, stretching out a paw and admiring his work. He was glad that was over, and glad he did it. They rubbed together with a clink as he wiggled his paws. They were only on the front, since he wouldn't dare go through that again just to make them for the back...Maybe another day.

"Finally."

That was the starting thread, the first post in the thread since I made it .3. Here is one i made after people started joining the thread;

Ah, a cat he didn't know.

The tomish twinkle in his eyes disappeared, replaced by his usual cold personality. "They are extentions for battle." Replying with an equally frosty tone, laced with annoyance. He could tell she was mocking him and his new items, but he wouldn't give the satisfaction of getting angry over such a stupid thing. "I made grooves under them that for snugly over mine, so I can strike or run easily without them falling off." The new attachments would help in battle, probably freaking out his opponents as well as inflicting more damage.

^ This is usually how big my normal posts are, when I have normal muse .3. But see how compared to my first post, it flows together and has correct punctuation? Cx Yeah


So if you want to be tutored then just fill out the form and I will :D

Form;

Name:
Best points in rping:
Worst points in rping:
What you want to work on the most:
Other:

Thanks guys :3

I want to join. :3
I know I'm already a fine RPer but I seriously need to improve. I want megarin to be the highest level RPer! >:D
Greedy me.

Name: megarin
Best points in rping: Organization.
Worst points in rping: Making my words make sense. Paragraphing.
What you want to work on the most: More words. All I ever type is "Blah blah blah," said so and so. "This and that," said so and so. "Hello," said so and so. I need something other then said. D: I need a vocabulary expansion for words to put after quotes. And I need to learn when to separate paragraphs. And how to make some of the stuff I type make sense in other people's heads.
Other: :)

My first student ;A; Welcome, my precious mod.

I used to have the same problems, with only saying 'said' in my sentences. You just have to think about what the character is saying, think about their personality, and the situation they are in.

Examples of after chats I use;

Muttering; I usually use muttering for when a younger cat is mocking another under his breath, or when giving a quiet threat. Things like that.

Examplepaw gave the senior a furious. "Like I care what you think." He muttered, casting his gaze elsewhere.

I use muttering like this when my character is giving a half hearted comeback, or doesn't know how to reply. I usually use this form of muttering for a young cat with a bit of a temper.

Example 2;
Examplepaw's eyes darkened, his maw tightening. "Touch her, and I will kill you." He muttered dangerously, staring at the opposing tom.


I use muttering like this usually for a colder personality. It shows that your character is more collected with his anger, and much more serious about his threats. Muttering a threat can show it is not an empty one. But make sure to show your cat isn't just mumbling under his breath. Use expressions such as 'furiously' or 'dangerously' after it.
--------------

Murmuring;

Murmuring is like a whisper, but generally more soft and mumbling like. It can be used for a shamed cat apologizing, or a comforting words to another.

Examplepaw stared at his paws, eyes burning with shame. "I'm sorry." He murmured, keeping his head low.

In this sentence, Examplepaw is honestly apologizing. By murmuring, he's showing he feels shameful and it gives a much more apolojetic feel than this;

Examplepaw stared at his paws, eyes burning with shame. "I'm sorry." He said, keeping his head low.

2;
Examplepaw flicked his tail on the weeping she-cat's back, eyes filling with sorrow. "It will be ok." He murmured softly.

In this one, Examplepaw is expression concern and by adding murmuring, it shows he wants to comfort the sad cat with soft words. It adds more kindness into his words.
-----------------

Shouted, Screeching, and Yowling.

All the same right? Wrong. They each can express entirely different emotions. Shouting; I usually us it if a cat having an argument with another, or is yelling after a cat far away. It's sorta plain, it means what it means and is more of a mellow version of yelling

Examplepaw grinned at the departing figure. "I'll beat you next time!" He shouted after her.

See? Simple.

Screeching; Screeching portrays more of a desperate or stressed scream. It could mean panic, or grief.

Examplepaw thundered down the path, tearing towards the injured cat. "Smokepaw!" He screeched.

Or

Examplepaw felt his paws slip off the rock, his body sliding down the steep cliff. "Help me!" He screeched.

That's all I can say bout that ^_^

Now yowling; I usually use yowling for more of a sorrow filled shout, one with true pain in it. But now real pain, but mental pain.

Examplepaw's eyes widened. No. No! "You can't leave me, please!" He yowled, panic setting in.

Yep.
---------

Meowed, Whispered, and purred

Meowed. Use this as your 'said'. It's just slightly more creative and it brings out the cat.

Examplepaw nodded. "Yes, we found them hunting." He meowed to the leader.

'Meowed' is more of a calm talk, used for reports or little statements.
------
Whispered; A secret..Or I usually use it for a very soft spoken she-cat.

Examplepaw nodded shyly. "Hello." She whispered softly, feeling awkward.

Examplepaw leaned in close. "Don't tell anyone!" She whispered urgently.
------
Purred. If obviously used when a cat is happy. But it can have a twist and be used seductively or teasingly

Examplepaw laughed. "Your a wonderful cat." She purred happily.

Examplepaw lowered her eyelids, a playful grin on her face. "I don't know, what about you?" She purred.

Examplepaw laughed heartily. "Sure, we believe you!" She purred in a teasing tone.

:3
------
Hissing, Snarling, and Growling

Hissing is used for more of an irritated snap, and I usually use it more for she-cats rather than males.

Examplepaw bared her teeth. "How dare you!" She hissed.

Snarling is more angry than irritated and can be used in battles or intense arguments.

Examplepaw bared his teeth. "Like you would know!" He snarled.

Growling is usually more of a grumpy snap, I usually use it for grouchy toms :P

Examplepaw let out an annoyed sigh. "Go away." He growled and padded off.
----

I'll give you more examples and emotions later xD I'm getting tired and it's night here. Just read this ones and of course do your homework ;3

Homework!; I want you to write a paragraph for each saying here, showing a scene were it might belong.

:D

Bleh. I didn't know being awesome came with homework nowadays. D:
Mini, do you know how many examples that is? That's like, eleven or so examples. Good thing I love essays. And writing. But I'm with family today.
Besides, aren't you usually on an iPad? I don't like iPad's spell check or the way you have to type. It takes a long time unless you use the button that lets you speak into it. that's my favorite button.
But now I can't use that button because I'm on a mini (not Mini~) lap top. D: I guess I have to do it the normal way.
BLEEEHHHH. I'll make a post for it in a few minutes.

I wrote that entire thing on an iPad, so shush -.- A little writing won't kill you

Muttering:

Examplepaw padded over to the elders' den to give them fresh moss and remove some of their ticks. Just because Samplepelt had become a warrior before himself didn't mean she could boss him around.
"Oh, and when you are done with the elders you should go find some sticks so you can help repair the nursery," he muttered mockingly.

Murmuring:

The young cat looked at the ground avoiding eye contact with his deputy, leader, and mother. So maybe sneaking out of camp in the middle of the night to go try to track down the Malum wasn't his best idea. But still. He had thought at the time that his Clan might appreciate it.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I deserve whatever you think is the best punishment. Even if it means being on elders' duty for a moon."

Shouting:

Examplepaw was far from a happy cat. Some stupid Malum cat just randomly attacked him. And then he just ran off! Cats these days! What was up with them all? All insane and stuff!
"Be careful who you pick fights with!" he shouted as the cat disappeared behind a boulder.

Screeching:

Examplepaw was walking when he heard a terrible yowl of pain. Was that Instancepaw? It sounded like him! He raced towards the noise. It led him up to a wide Thunderpath. This was bad.
"Instancepaw! Run!" he screeched as two monsters were ganging up on the apprentice.

Yowling:

The young cat looked at his mother's body. This couldn't happen. She had lived through a fox trap. She had survived green cough and even white cough. How could she die from this? It was just one badger!
"Starclan, why? Please let her come back!" he yowled into the sky.

Meowing:

Examplepaw went up to the leader. It was his job to report the terrible findings of the dawn patrols. This wasn't as bad as say, the Malum kind of bad. But still. It had started as a normal evening until they saw the signs.
"Yes, we believe a fox is in our territory," he meowed to the leader in a strong voice.

Whispering:

Example paw was padding through the camp. It was a lovely morning. A bright sun, lots of bird song. The kind of morning the Clan's usually had in their dreams. But of course life wasn't perfect.
"Oh, um, excuse me," Examplepaw whispered when Samplepelt blocked her path, "I, um think I was here first."

Purring:

Examplepaw was out hunting with Instancepaw. It was a lovely morning. Better then the day before. Instancepaw had already caught a bird, and Examplepaw a squirrel. And they were headed for their first mouse of the day.
"Don't get your fur in a tangle," Examplepaw purred when her friend misjudged the pounce.

Hissing:

Examplepaw was ready for the battle. But she wasn't ready for this! The Clan was ready to face the dog pack. But who would have expected this? There were more dogs then they could have ever imagined!
"Mangy fleabags!" she hissed at a group of dogs as they ganged up on Instancepaw.

Snarling:

This was the last time Examplepaw wanted to get in a fight with Samplepelt. How annoying was this she-cat? Always getting in his way. Always telling him what to do. And now challenging him in front of the Clan!
"I didn't do it! I would never betray my Clan like that! You on the other paw," he snarled in the she-cat's face.

Growling:

Examplepaw was walking through the camp. He was heading towards the elders' den. veen though he was almost a warrior he was still on the list for the elders' care takers after his sneak out of the camp one night. A kit bounced up to him and asked if he could show her some battle moves.
"Not right now. Go away," he growled as the kit backed away towards the nursery. Good. He didn't need a kit following him around.

I finish because I am amazing! I'll probably get a F+. That stands for positively fantastic, right?
And yes I know Examplepaw's gender changes. That's how amazing s/he is.

I'm done.
:D

Good job :D Just something's Ill critic about~

In every paragraph you did this;

Paragraph, words, blah blah, intro.

But then you cut down one and wrote the sentence. That makes it look a bit choppy and it doesn't flow correctly

So when doing the things you were doing ;

Examplepaw was far from a happy cat. Some stupid Malum cat just randomly attacked him. And then he just ran off! Cats these days! What was up with them all? All insane and stuff!
"Be careful who you pick fights with!" he shouted as the cat disappeared behind a boulder.

You should attach that to that paragraph, since it is still in the general flow and subject of the paragraph.

Examplepaw was far from a happy cat. Some stupid Malum cat just randomly attacked him. And then he just ran off! Cats these days! What was up with them all? All insane and stuff! "Be careful who you pick fights with!" he shouted as the cat disappeared behind a boulder.

And if you want to extent it down;

Examplepaw was far from a happy cat. Some stupid Malum cat just randomly attacked him. And then he just ran off! Cats these days! What was up with them all? All insane and stuff! "Be careful who you pick fights with!" he shouted as the cat disappeared behind a boulder.

Examplepaw gave a snort and turned tail, trotting back towards camp.

See? I bring it down two because it looks cleaner and gives more air to breath. You don't have to do it like this, a lot of people have their own styles; but you shouldn't just put the next paragraph right under the other one. ^_^

I give you... B+ :3

Meh. The schools around here aren't exactly.... Yeah. We don't learn anything new. How to work paragraphs or anything. In fact this year the teachers just now clarified how to use quotation marks because they never taught it in 3rd grade. .-.
My typing. It hurts. D: That's what happens when you live in a place that isn't exactly known for it's super smart people or good schools. Or anything other then us all being hill billies and all talking with ridiculous accents. And trust me we are not.
Thanks, Mini.
:D

Haha xD Well I used to suck a tonnnnnn when I first started rping, but I've slowly gotten tips from rping with others a kinda taught myself slowly how to write properly :3

Anything else you need help with?

Well there is my word choice. Like we went over sometimes I use stuff to simple. Like said.
But then other times I get too carried away. If you couldn't tell from my "Examplepaw of Exampleclan's examples of attribution usage." thing.
I like big words that no other people know of. Like epoch. I really like epoch. :3
Also we think I have a mild case of dyslexia. I have trouble seeing things. And I have to teach myself differently. Like reading out of a text book gets me no where. Works better if you just say it out loud and never show it to me on paper. Paper confuses me.
And that also means I stink at spelling. I mean, I'm bad first off. But then there's that thing where I put letters in the wrong order. And I don't think it's because I type fast, because I do it on paper, too. Like when I write "Bumblestra" instead of "Bumblestar". Or "Smoekwhikser" instead of "Smokewhisper". Or a normal word "nto" instead of "not". And I just spelled "instead" like this: "insetead". That's my special extra letter adding skill. My brain automatically thinks that sounds way cooler then just instead. O.o
Of course I don't think you can fix that. That's just me being me having a bad habit. Also my wording is weird until I decide to edit it. Like that sentence right up there. ^
I am amazing. I love the way my brain works. Of course it's also really very smart once you get over all that other stuff. ;D

My little sister is slightly dyslexic, but she's doing much better now :3 We just had her read and write everything we could, along with tons of books everyday xD Now she reads as much as me.

I've never really had a problem with spelling things, mostly because I have a good sense of figuring words out by pronouncing them. Also because I read tons and tons of books and I pick up words from there :P

You don't even know how much I read.
I'm the girl who when she wants to read a whole thick book in one day will read for eight hours straight.
The girl who brings books to the car even though when she reads them in there she gets motion sick.
The girl who was in the top 20 for the kids in the city who entered the summer reading program and read a loooot.
The girl who read so much she won an expensive bike.
I like books.
And that's why I will someday be an author. And I will put all of my friends in my books, change their names, and kill them.
:D

Who are your favorite authors? I want to get more books, but my bookcase is full xD Thank god for kindle on IPad

I like the Erin Hunters, obviously. Seekers is alright but I really prefer Warriors. And Survivors so far hasn't impressed me. Oh but the Erins leave so many pet peeves! So many mistakes! I blame it on the fact that there are like, four of them? Or is it five now? I thought it was two, then a publisher joined them, then another person. hen someone quit being an Erin and some new lady joined. She's the one who wrote the first Survivors book.
My main pet peeves are really annoying things. I can't stand it. I don't remember who it was, maybe Mousefur or something was a warrior in Bluestar's Prophecy. And she wasn't and elder until like forever! Forever!
That's my worst Warriors peeve other then how Firestar's time to be important is obviously over but he still wants to be everyone's hero and the best leader.
And Firestar, Sandstorm, Greystripe, Dustpelt. All those cats are eternal! Like Firestar is old for a leader. All of the other Clans have had like a billion leaders and Firestar is still on his like his seventh life. Let's just say he's hard to kill.
And if he's died, I don't know, NINE TIMES, doesn't that mean all of the cats from his age to nine times younger then him should be dead, or at least elders? I mean not all of the times he died he was getting old in that life, but still. Also he dies less then nine times. :3
And seekers is bad, too. One time Toklo unsheathes his claws. hm. Strange. I thought bears claws were like, ALWAYS OUT.
And one scene is based off of Whitestorm teaching Sandpaw, Firepaw, Greypaw, Dustpaw, and Ravenpaw some fighting techniques. They just changed the names and a few words.

OKAY! Back to other authors.
I like Kathryn Lasky.
I have to get off right now but I have a list of more. :3

Okay, so back on Kathryn Lasky.
She writes good books. They are aimed for people a bit younger then I, but still. When I started her books I was in fourth grade. And she just finished her new series now.
She wrote the Guardians of Ga'Hoole. I own all fifteen books plus both guides.
She also wrote Wolves of the Beyond. I liked that one, too. They both had similar morals, though. I mean at least they have a pint though. I kind of get tired of how Warriors is always the same thing.
Hunting. Fetching moss. I mean the prophecies and omens can get exiting. But only the big ones. There are omens for, like everything! Like how Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw would end up together.
Plus I never had the chance to read every book. I mean, not a single library or bookstore has every book on the first place. But it also kind of gets ruined when your on the computer and someone somewhere randomly types "That series was stupid. Firestar dies if that will ruin it for you" or someone writes "Hollyleaf isn't dead" or what ever. that seriously irks me.
Anyways Kathryn Lasky wrote a letter to me. I wrote a letter to her a year ago and she wrote me back. I have the letter in my closet. The envelope has famous-person spit on it. :D
Oh and I also love James Patterson. He's amazing. I mean his books are actually for people older then myself.... But oops. If the school library has them, I'm sure I'm fine. My friend sucked me into him because she was always talking about his books. What she said interested me.
Maximum Ride. Ohhh that was amazing. Loved it. Then when he wrote the last book I kind of stopped thinking about him for a while.
Sure enough that same friend told me he had another series. Witch and Wizard. A trilogy. And that was almost better then Max and her Flock. I really don't know what's better. Science experiments and an apocalypse, or a world filled with secret magic. Of course both sound kiddish at first but once you look inside.
And the backs of both of them say for young adults. I still think preteens should fit in that section.
Oh but as soon as I finished the third book of Witch and Wizard something amazing happened. James Patterson randomly with no warning let out a new book for that series. It was supposed to be three books and it seemed like it had ended but apparently a fourth book was supposed to come out all along. I ended up getting the last book before my friend and thus I still finished it before her.
Oh and so many other stand alone books!
Out of My Mind by Sharon M. Draper. That story was so amazing. that on really touched me to tears. And that's saying a lot. you know it's a good book if I cried about it.
The White Giraffe by Lauren St. John. That one was good as well. A bit short but written in a lovely way. That one was a bit sad as well. I hear she turned it into a series but I only read that one and the second book, Dolphin Song.
An Elephant in the Garden by Michael Morpurgo. Another sad one but filled with happy moments. It's about the bombings in Germany a while back. It also has an elephant in it. :D It's from a girl's point of view.

I like almost any book you put in front of me. Facts, fiction. Just no romance. Or anything stupid. Or murder mysteries. Or any mysteries. Gosh I tried one of those and it didn't seem like it would be bad because it was about a girl and some wolves. No one said anything about mysteries. But then it got really creepy. And I never finished it. It still scares me but I knew something really, really bad was going to happen. I couldn't finish it. One of the only books I started and never finished in my life. D:

Name: Briarsoul
Best points in rping: ideas, details.
Worst points in rping: getting my ideas out and getting details to make sense.
What you want to work on the most: getting my ideas out, getting details to make sense and writers block.
Other: ive been rping for bout two years now. I dont think Im very good though. If you want I can give you an example of an rp post.

Oh wow :O Two years, same as me! I've been an active rper for about two years on my other site :D Anyway, how about you give me a example post? It will give me an idea of what to assess :3

Sweet! And ok. Posting it now

A group of dark shapes was quietly moving. The moon was full, not a cloud in the sky. They reached a stream and the leader held up his tail. The other behind him stopped. One by one they leaped over the stream. Not a single paw was wet. They moved through thick undergrowth and tall trees. It was obvious they weren't confortable here. At Last they made It to their destination. A small thorn tunnel. They creeped through and under the light of the moon in the hollow, the leader growled and screeched "Shadowcan Attack!" The once peacful hollow was now full of battling cats. The fighting went on and on. "Vinestar no!" Yowled a shecat. The moonlight made her silvery fur glidten, her Blue eyes reflecting sadness. "No, Vinestar....." She murmured, pressing her nose against the brown toms pelt

I'm sorry, but I laughed at Shadowcan xDD

:) Its fine. :):)

That's a great post, though! I just started RPing about 2 months ago. Here's a snip of my very first post:
The young grey she-cat slowly walked out of the apprentice's den to stretch. She'd been up very late the night before stargazing. Of course, the only reason she was stargazing was because she didn't want to the see her constant nightmares. After a long sleep, she was ready to function again. Apparently the rest of the camp had that same thought about an hour before she did. All the patrols were out and warriors were adding onto the pile of fresh prey in the middle of the camp.

Thanks! And thats pretty much......... AMAZAYN, BRILLIAM, EXTRODINHARRY AND FABLOUIS! (you Can probably tell Im a direcionar) but seriously, thats an awesome post!

XD Oh my god, we have a Directioner here! I wrote like 4 paragraphs and that was just the first one. Her name was Smokepaw at the time and now she's Smokewhisper. She's a queen with 3 kits and her mate is the WindClan leader Bumblestar who was Stingpaw at the time.